Anxiety. Fear. Worry. Restlessness. Self absorption.
These are 5 words that I often feel. At different times in my life they are all there for different reasons. Right now, they tend to creep in when I begin thinking about becoming a mother. Being responsible for a little life, and not even just physically... but spiritually I will have the greatest influence on her life. How do I raise a little girl in the filthy sin hole that we live in today? How will I be able to teach her purity and inner beauty when she's attacked at every angle with sexual temptations and self image? Will I be able to juggle being a mother while still being the wife God calls me to be? How will Stephen adjust? Will he pull away? And when I finally am at peace, the serpent reminds me that I, one day, will also be a mother to a child not born of my womb and all the fears and anxieties that go along with that. Will he be emotionally broken? Will I be able to reach through his brokenness and love his hurt and loneliness away? How will I handle all the questions he will ask? Do I have the emotional strength? The answers to all of these questions are either No. Or, I can't. Oh, but wait, there is:
Hope. Faith. Peace. Assurance. Selflessness.
5 words that Christ so fills my soul with when I simply just ask Him to. He, in His loving and so gentle way, places verses like Psalm 32:8 (The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.) in my quiet times. And He sends people along my way to remind me of His perfection. I run into someone who reminds me that my adoptive child is not broken. He is perfect and God has a plan for His life. And then He shows me how to learn from my own mother on how to raise up a daughter the way He desires. He reminds me that I, alone, cannot be successful. But (isn't it great that there's always a but with Christ), with Him I can. He reminds me to daily surrender my fears and anxieties and to daily surrender my Children to Him and He will take care of the rest. He reminds me to keep my focus on heavenly things, things not of this world. Not to focus on what this world is coming to or how to raise a child in this filth, but to remember that this is not our home and what truly matters is what will be for eternity. So my friends, I cling to Romans 5:5 today. And everyday is a journey... everyday is again, another day of surrender and another day in which God pours His grace and mercy over my life.
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
